I will try to summarize one aspect of an important period in my life (start 20th year- end 23rd year). Bad experiences in multiple areas (girls, career, relatives and “friends”) during those four years had lasting effects on certain aspects of my personality.
It started out uneventfully..
Started my M.Sc on my 20th birthday. At that time I lived in a dorm-like “situation” and ,in retrospective, it had a lasting influence on my life. It was mainly used as short-term accommodation for people who visited that university for anywhere from 1 to 6 months, hence opportunities for STRs and flings abounded.
Met a slightly older and single gal within 2 months. Had a decent STR with her for about a month and then.. she left. Met a couple other gals two months after her, and ended up with both of them. However I preferred ‘petite big titties’ over the other gal. Once again.. it lasted for about 2 months and then they left.
Started trying gals outside my comfort zone, but got only one (bagel cafe single mom). Briefly moved out of that place, but returned to it after 3 months. Got 4 gals in my first year.. Not bad.
I learnt that it was hard for me to pick up gals in bars, and even fairly homely ones had a lot of attitude when they were approached by someone like me. A chronic lack of money hampered my sex life and socializing. I had also started to realize that my initial career choice was not going anywhere. To add injury to insult, my rich relatives reneged on their promise to help me.
While I did score a few gals, the sex was not great. It lacked passion and felt almost scripted. Lost touch with those gals after they left. Had a couple of dry spells. The worst part was that I felt very lonely and unloved. It is no exaggeration to say that my journey to the dark side began during one of the dry spells in that year.
On an early may night in that year- could not sleep as I was horny, lonely and angry. Remember walking for about 3 hours in the early morning.. came back and slept. When I woke up later that morning, something inside me had changed.
My second year was much was productive. It started with a fat but cute gal. After her, I ended up with a self-confessed slut and a tall boring gal. Then providence smiled on me for almost a year. I ended up with two married gals, one 4 month STR, one cute east european gal and a barely legal aussie gal. I also had some success in pubs and got 2-3 one night stands and one STR. Almost a dozen gals in just over a year. These ‘victories’ were not easy and took a lot of effort and time. My living environment helped a lot.
The last 4 months in that place were my second major dry spell (4-5 months), and my life took a turn for the worse on multiple fronts. It is then that I moved to the previously mentioned large apartment complex, where I met bible college gals and did stuff with a couple other gals.
However my experiences had started to corrode my soul.
I realized that..
1] A matched white guy could have achieved the same results with considerably less effort, and saw such guys get much better looking pussy on more favorable terms.
2] I could get gals to spread their legs, but getting stable LTRs or anything beyond casual sex was problematic. I really wanted someone to fall for me.. and love me.
3] Making friends with white guys to expand my friend circle was unworkable. Many people meet the people they date through mutual friends, and that avenue was pretty much closed to me.
4] It was during my big dry spell towards the end of that year that I first considered buying sex.
The next year was mixed in that it started with a dry spell (previously mentioned) but turned out reasonably well with a MILF, 3 bible college gals (2+1) and an older coworker at a part-time job. However my efforts to get younger and more attractive pussy repeatedly failed. I also entered a particularly unpleasant phase in my academic career towards the end of that year.
Lots of kinky sex in that year, but was repeatedly rejected by gals who I wanted to fuck. Sex with bible college gals and the MILF was somewhat better than my experiences in the previous two years.
However I really craved a stable LTR who would support me.
and then the worst year of my life began. I often wish that 1999 could be erased from my life..
Moved to a new place towards the end of 1998.. and had a dry spell. After about 4 months, broke down and started fraternizing with freshly homeless gals. I found that a little kindness, food and money could get me reasonably good sex.
However within 3 months in that year, I was essentially jobless and broke.. It was in the next 6-8 months, when nobody helped me, that I lost all faith in human beings. It was as if everybody was enjoying destroying my life. There is much more to this story than I am willing to say right now.
In any case, it changed me forever.
Towards the end of 1999, my bad luck streak ended. I changed my career path and a series of lucky breaks made my life almost livable. But what I experienced in that year still haunts me.
To be the subject of a separate post. I will certainly have to drink a few more beers after writing that one..
I restarted my homeless gal schemes towards the end of 1999 and got an ex-coworker (‘S1′). The next year, 2000, was the beginning of a new chapter in my life.
Gals like ‘N’, ‘M1′, ‘S1′ + a number of other ‘semi-pro’ gals + a few ‘pro gals’ + a few pub pickups kept me busy for the next 2 years. I began my hardcore escort phase in 2002, and the rest is history.