This post is devoted to an idiot who recently crossed my path. Let us call her ‘Lisa D’.
I met her at a pub, where she was out with her friends.
A brief physical description of Lisa D. She is 5′ 4″ tall, a size 14-16, big thighs, wide butt , cute face and 24-25 years old. An english major, she now works in a clothing store and blockbusters to make ends meet.
When I met her she was wearing street lingerie that barely covered her butt and crotch. She was pulling her dress down almost every minute , yet you could still see her g-string + butt cheeks + camel toe – clearly and without any effort. We chatted for about 10 minutes and her ‘friends’ pulled her away and left.
However she left her phone behind. I picked it up after a few minutes, and decided to give it back to her the next day. Of course, I went through the contents. She was functionally single, and only one guy ‘Brad’ figured in her text messages/ phone calls. However the data activity with him had peaked 1.5 months ago and then declined. Could not find any hardcore stuff on her phone (pictures/messages etc).
Next morning, got a few text messages from her GFs, who incidentally had ditched her on the way home. Also got a couple from ‘Brad’ asking her how she was – my guess is that they were not fucking last night, as the missing phone would have been very obvious by the early morning.
So I contacted her on FB and asked her if she had lost her phone.
Read the rest (ad verbatim)
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 3:40am
Have you lost your cell?
June 6 at 4:47pm
YES!!!! YOU FOUND IT? A RED CRAZER???? THANKS SO MUCH!! I can pick it up!!! Where, When works for you???
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 4:51pm
Do you know who I am?
June 6 at 4:56pm
Um, no sorry…
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 4:57pm
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:01pm
So, do you want it or not?
June 6 at 5:04pm
I can pick it up, where/when works for you?
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:05pm
what is in it for me, leopard nightie gal with 7 tattoos?
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:07pm
PS- You left it in front on me when we were talking at xxxxx xxxxxxx, and then your “friends” dragged you out. Did they at least drop you home?
June 6 at 5:10pm
Hahahaha the joy of knowing that you helped me out…
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:12pm
June 6 at 5:15pm
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:15pm
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:16pm
BTW you ‘friends’ were texting you a lot this morning.
June 6 at 5:18pm
Can I please come get my phone?
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:19pm
Sure.. come in your getup from yesterday. It caught my attention.
June 6 at 5:21pm
Hahaha! We were doing the underwear affair before and came straight to our friends birthday
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:23pm
Believe me I saw a lot of you.. and you are a big girl.
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:25pm
When we talked for about 10 minutes, you actually came across as pretty friendly- compared to your ‘friends’.
June 6 at 5:26pm
I don’t really know what to say to that. Can I please get my phone?
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:28pm
It is not that you don’t know what to say. You are just full of yourself.. though less than your friends.
June 6 at 5:31pm
I am not really sure why you are insulting me. I am sorry if I offended you but I would really appreciate it if I could get my phone
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:33pm
What is in it for me? Why should I care?
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:33pm
Can you not read between the lines?
June 6 at 5:38pm
I remember talking to you. I thought you were friendly as well. I am sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. We were dressed up for the charity event we had just come from. I do not usually dress that way. I am not that kind of person.
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:40pm
So what kind of person are you? and what wrong idea did you give me?
June 6 at 5:46pm
I am a student. I don’t know what idea I gave you about me other than that I came to the bar in that outfit which could give anyone the wrong idea I guess
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:48pm
You know, I am not into chubby gals.. but I did like you.
June 6 at 5:51pm
Thanks. Can I please get my phone?
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:52pm
Can you read between the lines? or you don’t want to?
June 6 at 5:56pm
I know exactly what you are saying. I thought I was clear in my response. If you are not willing to give me my phone that is your perogative. Please just tell me either way.
Advocatus Diaboli June 6 at 5:59pm
In that case, I hope you have backed up your phone numbers/contacts/etc. You see, I have no duty to return lost stuff. As far as I am concerned, it may already be in a trash bin… as I do not keep someone else’s stuff on me.
She then blocked me on FB and her phone is history.