While surfing the intertubes, I came across a FaceBook link by Ray Sawhill: He’s Just Not That Into Anyone. To make a long story short, it is about how easy and ubiquitous online porn is making “real” women less desirable than online porn. I have written about this phenomena before, and so has FB.
The article is, predictably, treating this as a problem. The best part of that article is a series of comments by a person identifying himself as ‘LTRANGIE’. I am now going to post parts of those comments here..
You know what doesn’t condescend to men for their sexual desires? Porn.
You know what doesn’t demand that men repress their sexual desires? Porn.
You know what offers men the opportunity to experience (voyeuristically, mind you) any sexual variation that their minds can conjure without judgment, rejection, or condemnation? Porn.
You know what doesn’t demand that men have wealth that they cannot achieve, not because of their own failings, but because of complicated system of social privileges? Porn.
You know what doesn’t demand that men be 6’6″ tall, well muscled with hair in the right places and none in the wrong? Porn.
You know what doesn’t change it’s mind halfway through the act? Porn.
You know what doesn’t send a complicated, subtle, and constantly changing labyrinth of mixed signals and double standards? Porn.
Men would not be so hungry for porn if their girlfriends and wives didn’t reject their sexuality so casually. Porn doesn’t demand to be called an equal while placing the burden of choice, approach, pursuit, proof, and support solely on men. It merely asks one question, “What do you desire?”
It goes on.
But what we really desire is a partner, a woman who respects us for who we are, not how much we earn or what position on the socioeconomic ladder we occupy. A woman who listens to our opinions and critically challenges her ideas instead of embracing cognitive dissonance in the face of any concept that lacks convenience. A woman who understands that men also have needs, fears, complications, and hurdles to overcome as part of the process of life and wants to share that experience. Men want a woman who abandons the manipulation and deceit of passive aggressiveness and aggressive passivity for responsibility, courage, and decisiveness.
It gets better..
Women demand equality, and deserve it, but they maintain a stranglehold on the control of sexuality. Any indulgence outside of the narrow role that they expect their mate to fulfill is met, at best, with begrudging compliance instead of enthusiasm and curiosity, hostility and abandonment at worst. It is very easy for women to replace a man, but takes a disproportionate amount of effort for men to replace a woman.
Men are given the message that their sex is a weapon and that they bear any and all responsibility for sexual misadventure while women are given license to experience their sexual renaissance on any terms they choose with only the responsibility that is convenient and with as much deniability and license to revise their personal history as their conscience begets.
If a woman wants to indulge her daddy issues, it’s a healthy expression of repressed desires. If a man has mommy issues… he’s a pariah. There is something wrong with him and he is to be avoided. It is because he is weak and too messed up to be dealt with. It is because he is undeserving of love.
I think that it is worth considering that men’s turning to 2 dimensional representation of fulfillment is a reaction to and attempt to cope with (no matter how misguided that attempt may be) the double standard of the single dimensional role that women expect us to fulfill while expecting the freedom to cherry-pick from a list of privileges without accepting their complimentary responsibilities.
The truth of the matter is that the hurt and damage caused by these double standards, the effects on my psyche, have been profound and long-lasting. But from a feminine perspective, I am supposed to just get over. To man up and fulfill my traditional gender role except for when it deprives them of their whims. Porn let’s me be myself.
and ends with this..
The male libido is not disappearing. It is being rerouted to a place that does not fill us with fear, guilt, shame, and anxiety for the humanity of that libido. This article did nothing but perpetuate the stereotype of male as predator and female as victim. Not a single one of these ideas nor that of the necessity of a shared responsibility for a healthy sex life between couples was even hinted at by Mr. Rothbart’s article. How progressive. The final irony is that the title of this article references, a book and movie that does nothing but reinforce the commonplace aggressive passivity, entitlement, and unrealistic social expectations of the American woman. Congratulations on your pandering.
This one post has gotten over 20,000 hits on my NSFW blog at Nudie Cuties
Here it the link..
and two other posts with her