Some Thought on “Scheduling” Intimacy in Relationships
One of the more common pieces of advice given to married, and unmarried, couples who are experiencing trouble in their relationshits is that they should “schedule” intimacy and reserve some “couple” time for themselves. Such actions are supposed to rekindle the “spark” in the relationship- whatever that is. Now, am I the only one who finds this advice bizarre and a sad reflection on the world we live in?
Do you schedule eating time to renew your relationship with food? Do you schedule sleeping time to renew your relationship with a good nights sleep? Do you schedule a visit to the ER to renew your relationship with the hospital? In all of the above mentioned examples, your actions are based on a response to a need- whether it is hunger, lack of sufficient sleep or prompt medical attention.
If you are scheduling something, it is almost guaranteed to be a chore.
Taking your garbage out on time, vacuuming your house regularly or doing laundry on a schedule is a chore not a need. We are talking about stuff that nobody really wants to do, or is strictly necessary at that moment, but performed for satisfying imaginary social expectations.
So why is the relationship between most couples far more similar to a chore than a need?
People throughout human history have formed couples for important reasons such as reasonably regular access to sex, sharing resources to raise kids, take care of each other through thick and thin etc. At least that is how it should be. But is it still like that? and if not, why not?
Why are relationships in developed countries so dysfunctional that couples have to schedule time to be nice to each other and masturbate into each other?
To understand how we reached this level, if you can call it that, it is necessary to explore the path that led us here. It begins with basing your society on ideals, rules and customs that are not quite human. To be more precise- monogamy (serial or non-serial) as we know it today, just does not fit in with human nature. While men and women can be interested in one person for most of the time, it is delusional to think that they will not want some action on the side. Almost every single society with formal legalized marriage either decries such behavior or accepts it only on an ‘underground’ level. In some ways, legal recognition of couple formation is first step towards making it shitty. However it is not a major contributor to the process.
The second part of road to relationshit hell step is due to the overall result of social busybodies try to make the relationships of others fit inside defined moulds. Trying to fit humans into preexisting moulds of anything is a bad idea. Whether it is education, clothes, jobs or entertainment, one (or even a few) sizes won’t fit all- nor is it even necessary to do so.
If you make something enjoyable into a routine without flexibility or accommodation, don’t be surprised if the participants lose interest and stop caring.
The third stretch of the road towards dystopic relationships is a combination of the effects of feminism and social atomization. While women have rarely married guys they were really attracted to in the past, they were usually discreet about it. Today, they don’t have to be discreet about how much they really hate the wimp they are married to because they can get away wit it- heck, it is actually quite profitable to do so. Plus every social institution stands behind then and eggs them on to screw over or abuse the wimp in their life- because as we all know “She could do much better”. Now combine that with social atomization and a multitude of sexual partners before “marriage” (or a ‘real’ LTR) and you have a person who has no real interest or impulse to be willingly “intimate” in a relationship longer than a few months.
Women often criticize prostitutes for not being ‘real’ substitutes for relationships with women. The reality is that ‘real’ women are shitty, expensive and troublesome substitutes for prostitutes. Wives and girlfriends routinely get way with attitudes and behavior that prostitutes would not dare attempt. But then again, I am the guy who prefers whores over ‘real’ women. Maybe scheduling a gynecological appointment.. I mean intimacy.. with you SO would rekindle the spark in your relationshit.
What do you think? Comments?