Why Spanking as Foreplay Works

I have mentioned, on many previous occasions, that women willing to take bare-bottom spankings will almost always end up sleeping with you. The following is my hypothesis on why it works, and how I have used it to counter LMR. Note- I am talking about moderately painful spankings, not 10-20 odd smacks.

Important: Do not trick her, tie her up or otherwise coerce her into taking a bare-bottom spanking.

Almost every adult sees a bare-bottom spanking as something done to naughty children, even though they may enjoy it as adults. So how does this affect the dynamics of a new relationship?

The simple answer is that the spanker becomes the authority figure, the spankee becomes the naughty, and helpless, girl who has no option but to take the spanking. It is precisely for this reason that the spanking has to be moderately painful. A light spanking does not quite make the point about who is in charge.

If you concerned about whether she can take it, let her know that it will sting and she will feel sore afterwards. As long as you are using your hand, her slipper or hairbrush, most will consent.

The spanking has to be hard enough to-

1. Make her squirm in a uncoordinated manner.
2. Make her kicking irregular and uncoordinated.
3. Should have to use her hand to cover her bottom.
4. She should beg (not demand) you to stop it.


5. She should be significantly wetter than when you started (monitor it as the spanking progresses).

My modus operandi is:

Step 1: Somewhere between kissing and her/your place.. she should already have received a few smacks on her clothed bottom. How you initiate it is upto you, but never be apologetic.

Step 2: If she does not like it, leave her.. it is not worth it. If she is a semi-willing participant, give her more. If she is anxious, let her know that it will be just your palm and her bottom (nothing more).

Step 3: Once you are in a private place, and more stuff happens.. push it further. You can either playfully exacerbate the spanking to get her over your lap/knees or just tell her that you want to spank her. Again, no apologies about your desires.

Step 4: Tell her that the panties won’t be completely removed till she wants to, but her pants/shorts must go. Hike skirt as necessary.

Step 5: Spank her on the bare-bottom (panties etc around her knees), but build up the intensity rather than starting at full power. Feel free to use a little moisturizer/lotion on her bottom (it makes the sting worser). Approximately 1 smack per second, alternate cheeks and aim for their fleshiest parts

Step 6: Somewhere around the 100-200 hard smack mark, most will start moving around and squirming. If you have positioned her properly, only one of her hands can reach her butt. If she tries to do that, grab and hold it against her back.

Step 7: If you are using your hand (palms) it will take about 400-500 hand smacks to get her to the point where she feels like a naughty helpless girl under your control. That is less than 10 minutes, and unless she bruises easily.. she will be pink and sore, but nothing else.

Using the hand allows you to make it sting without overdoing it. Remember that even 200 moderately hard smacks with a hairbrush or slipper will often make her cry (for real).

Step 8: By the 500 hand-smack mark, her panties will be either around her ankles or she may have already kicked them off. Use the hairbrush sparingly after that.. do not make it too painful the first time around.

Step 9: Keep on checking if she is becoming wetter, as you spank her. Feel free to play with her vulva and finger her a bit between spanks.

Step 10: After she had enough, according to you, give her a nice hug, lots of passionate kisses, rub her ass and play with her cunt.

Step 11: Let her recover for a few minutes. Some women will cry..don’t say a lot. Just comfort her like you would do if you knew her for years.

Step 12: After she has recovered, start escalating the sex play again.. but remember to maintain the dominant frame. Getting off the tiger is more dangerous than riding it.

It works because you have just made her feel like a helpless girl who is being dominated by a guy she likes.

She is getting her “forced by brute who loves me fantasy” without anything worser than a sore bottom. The best part is that semi-consensual spanking without physical restraint and forced penile penetration would be hard to interpret as anything other than BDSM, if you get my drift.

Any comments?

  1. David
    June 27, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    My wife has always liked a spanking. It gets her nice and wet for intercourse. Ten or twenty with the hand is plenty really. Her bottom will get quite red. You can make her stand in the corner with her panties down and skirt up afterwards. Another ten or twenty can follow after a break. This is humiliating and adds the pangs of apprehension. In recent times, I have taken to making her kneel in a chair afterwards, to show off her bottom.

    I find 100-200 with my palm to be the minimum.

    If you use a hairbrush, you can make her bend down afterwards, with her hands in a chair and on her tiptoes, with the hairbrush balanced on her back. This made my wife extremely wet. So much so that I could smell it.

    This is good for an LTR, because there is a level of mutual trust and understanding necessary. I think that my wife likes the pain and the humiliation. It is a good way of reaffirming who is the boss.

    Over the knee is her favourite, but putting the girl over the edge of a bed can work well. Make her call you “sir” and thank you after each stroke. Very hot.

    Be careful. There is no need to have more than 10 – 50 strokes. Even that can result in some bruising that may take a couple of days to resolve. This could be a concern if the female has to visit the doctor for some reason. Difficult-to-explain bruises …

    My wife wanted to be spanked almost as soon as we started going out. We do it fairly often, but not regularly. Mostly with her over my knee, panties down, skirt up. A woman who wants to be spanked is most likely submissive enough to make a good wife.

    Many wives, historically, have been spanked. It is practically a tradition. I would commend it to husbands.

  2. David
    June 27, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    No, 100-200 is too much. Seriously. I have done this to my wife probably 100 times over our marriage. 50 strokes at a time, tops. The last time I gave my wife a spanking, she had bruises for a couple of days. That was about 50 strokes, hand and hairbrush.

    You are using too much force.. It should burn and sting, not bruise.

  3. David
    June 27, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    Her bottom only gets pink.

    Pink is about right.

    Normally, I only use my hand. She still gets bruises.

    Maybe she has thin skin. Soreness and a nice pink color are normal, bruising is not.

    Another thing to do is make the girl sit on a hard chair afterwards.


    I am not heavily into this, but I have seen some of the spanking pictures. My wife looks at a lot of spanking sites, and she turned me on to it. Do you think the damage depicted is faked?

    Some is.. but some is not. In any case, I stop at hairbrushes. Most implements past a hairbrush inflict a lot more pain (leather strap) and damage (cane) than necessary.

    Some of the results of the supposed canings look brutal. Why would a girl let that be done to her for real? I suspect a lot of the pics are faked up.

    As I have said, some are real and there are women who like it that hard. But most do not..

    My goal is to make her bottom warm, sore and tingly for the next 2-4 hours.

    • Kim
      December 16, 2013 at 2:52 am

      Just reading this has made me wet! No torture, butt spank me please sir and lick my nipples and spank me and grab my hair and pull my head back kiss my neck then bite suck and pull my tits! Oh and since you have my hair in your hand force me towards your cock and stuff my throat with it!! Please spank me some more….. So hot what am I to do, my husbands sound asleep….. Maybe I should…..

      • Kim
        December 16, 2013 at 3:22 am

        Light bondage gives me that feeling of helplessness with a tinge of fear. Makes the spanking take on an even stonger hold on me. Want, desire, lust and the willingness to do anything to have more and more….

      • charles
        December 24, 2013 at 5:18 pm

        I would love to meet you, lol!

      • J
        December 9, 2016 at 9:40 am

        My paddle with holes leaves you with a bed hot blistered and welted bare bottom. You won’t be sitting for days.

  4. David
    June 27, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    I only normally use my hand. The hairbrush not so often. I think they hurt about equally. (Although I wouldn’t know! My wife is the one who gets it.)

    No! The hairbrush stings way more than a hand.

    I did once use a belt on a girl (ex-fiancee), but that was a genuine punishment. Fifteen strokes. I understand that she had to use a cushion at work for a day or so.

    Hmm.. then you are using too much force.

  5. David
    June 27, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    My wife says the hairbrush dissipates the sting. With my ex-fiancee, it was meant to hurt. I was not playing. It was real.

  6. Don
    June 28, 2010 at 9:22 am

    10 – 30 strokes work wonderfully on my gf.

  7. July 4, 2010 at 6:24 am

    I think I’ve probably spanked every girl I’ve ever fucked, though never in as serious or as organized a way as your girls are getting it. I think it helps me come off as both playful and in charge.

    Try it, if you like it.. but you have to do it with the right attitude. She has to understand that it will sting and make her butt a little sore afterwards.

  8. June 26, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    eeew, you should hook up w/clarisse thorn……

  9. Barrie
    May 8, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    My girlfriend has a short dress she wears when we play around. She normally gets pulled across my lap and gets paddled with a hairbrush over her satin string panties. 10 swats is the most she has had. She cries easily and depending on how aroused we are sometimes i’m just lucky to get her panties pulled down before exploding inside her.

  10. Sandi
    November 4, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Haha wow. Spanking works because it vibrates and slightly hits her g-spot. It’s definitely a turn on when done in the right way. Spank on! I really like your blog by the way hahaha.

  11. Ducky
    November 13, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    My girlfriend actually sent me this link, after “our” first encounter with spanking her hard.. She loved it, and I was thrilled… I couldn’t believe that she and I were so turned on…Thank you for the information… I will surely use some of your ideas the next time… Fucking hot….

  12. bob jones
    February 9, 2013 at 3:26 am

    I am looking to correspond with a girl who likes to be spanked


    • Chrissie
      March 19, 2013 at 12:22 am

      WOULD LOVE IT!But,what can YOU do about,JUST that?

      • April 20, 2013 at 8:12 am

        CONTACT ME!

      • richard
        August 25, 2015 at 2:08 am

        I am a 51 year old white male , looking for a nice girl to spank in Indiana. please email me back, thanks

  13. markiee
    September 9, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    In our home, I’m usually the one draped over my wife’s knee for a bare bottomed spanking.

  14. Pablo
    November 5, 2013 at 9:04 am

    I’m happily married. I enjoy spanking girls, but my wife is very lukewarm with it. Can you tell me whether or not escorts are generally amenable to spanking play?

  15. Mike
    November 26, 2013 at 9:21 pm

    This is accurate. There is one difference tho. Believe it or mot not all guys are dom. Im already in a sub dom relationship. Except my girlfriend is the dom or (mistress) if you will. But as a submissive male (The closest a guy can get to this kind of position) I agree with all of this. My girlfriends a lot harder on me tho and she hasn’t actually spanked me yet but shes promised me my first time is going to be hell. mostly because Im always causing horrid trouble and just agitating what
    went from a simple hairbrushing eventually leading up to a nice hard razor strapping. But I knew from the start she spanked so it was all fair warning. she wasn’t just like hey im gonna bruise your ass all of the sudden. You cant be to subtle about it you gotta warm them up to the thought as the creator of this post explained.

  16. Kim
    December 16, 2013 at 2:30 am

    Trust is most important to me. I want things done to me because I like being naughty. I do not want to be humiliated, I want to be driven so wild that I become willing to do anything. I want my bum to look rosey and when I sit days after I hope to feel wet because the tingle remains. My husband will play with me and do things to me. But….

    • pdp
      February 19, 2014 at 9:06 am

      u can contact me….v can talk bout ur desire

  17. River
    December 20, 2013 at 9:27 pm

    This is great advice! I am a spanked wife who loves that my man takes charge

  18. jim
    January 9, 2014 at 10:51 am

    i have started using spanking as part of our foreplay .. my wife is now in the habit of turning on her stomach and lifting her ass in the air .. and she responds positively to the spanking that follows .. I find her demeanor in the following days to be more positive and she is more attentive to my wishes .. and I in turn have more respect for her .. looks to me like a win win but I could be wrong .

  19. Darius
    February 18, 2014 at 1:51 pm

    Its obvious people are individuals and we all are different, there is no “Cookie Cutter” one size fits all when it comes to maximum pleasure in adult erotic spanking. Some bruise more easily than some others, all skin tones are different, all satisfaction levels are different. Therefore, discuss it and ask each other what they want…spend the time and experiment with each other to get a comparable baseline that is tailored made for the two of you. There’s no other way to do it; for those offering a formula…and those accepting the formula offered are very immature and unrealistic.

  20. April 8, 2014 at 12:04 pm

    I have combined spankings with a fetish my girlfriend and I have of play wrestling. I will wrestle naked with my gf and put her through a series of scripted holds that turn us both on. Sometimes I will take her over my knee first, with me kneeling on the floor with her bare ass over my knee and up high, with her head held down near the floor. I might give her 20 spanks with my bare hand. I like to bring her to the verge of tears……..she likes that also! Then I might lift her up and give her an over the knee wrestling backbreaker. She finds it so stimulating, and she plays the helpless victim well. I roll her off my knee and she falls to the floor, and quite often I enter her at this point. She loves the feeling of being taken and being forced to submit to me sexually. And I love the feeling of dominance it gives me. We have been role playing for 15 years like this, and our relationship remains strong as ever. I respect her and only play within the boundaries we have set up.

  21. Great Grimoires For Masons
    August 17, 2014 at 5:07 am

    • Great Grimoires For Masons
      September 11, 2014 at 4:09 am

      Yeah, Advocatus,

      Please remove the consent from your spankings.

  22. September 20, 2014 at 9:51 am

    I have plenty of spanking devices. I just bought a gator-skinned leather paddle and it reeks of rubber, even after having it for almost a month. Evil sticks, wooden paddle, etc. One escort I saw loves the evil stick and she wants me to bring it with me next time. #ILoveBadBitches

  23. justkidding
    December 6, 2015 at 9:39 am

    So then, are you saying, that going to the mall, grabbing a woman by her hair, throwing her in the trunk of my car, and taking her to my hide to spank them is not how it is suppose to be done? Do women really let you spank them, voluntarily? If so, I guess I’ll have to rethink my strategy; it would sure eliminate the need to get rid of the body afterwards.

    • P Ray
      December 7, 2015 at 8:29 pm

      Women will allow the man they’re attracted to to do whatever they want.
      The men they’re not attracted to, can be hauled up for sexual harassment – merely by looking at her.

    • P Ray
      December 7, 2015 at 8:30 pm
      • December 8, 2015 at 8:49 am

        Before I read that link, the same guy appeared as a guest on Alan Roger Currie’s podcast. They discussed the situation for 3-4 hours and talked about how feminism is at large and how it’s fucked up India as a country and their culture. After hearing it, I read the article. I do believe manginas and pussy-whipped Captain Save-A-Hoes will be the biggest enemy of social progress more than modern feminists themselves.

        But yes, women allow the men they like to have their way. Then she puts on conservative acts in front of those who she dislikes. ALL women are like that. ALL of them have vague, ambiguous, duplicitous tendencies. Now SOME of this is men’s fault, because some guys brag and throw women under the bus after they’ve had sex with them, like she’s a “hoe” or a “whore” and such. RooshV does this and so do some blabbermouths in gym locker rooms.

        Women have rape fantasies with men they are hot for. If she hates the sight of you, then you’re put in many no-win scenarios and she’ll act “respectable” and such. Even for a guy like me who has no issues with attracting women, I realize most women aren’t worthy of my time and are “timewasters” (as Alan Roger Currie stated), egomaniacs and “man-stroke women”.

  24. Stephen W'holme
    April 3, 2016 at 6:22 am

    My partner read an article in a magazine about some couples using a whip before sex. I asked her if she wanted to try it. It was joke but she smiled and answered yes. I whip her every Sunday now. It turns both of us on a lot.

  25. John Galosmo
    August 10, 2016 at 8:55 pm

    Whoever wrote this article is a loser John who doesn’t deserve to breathe the carbon monoxide expelled from my ass. it’s stupefying how deeply these losers lie to themselves. Check it out!! None of these girls want to be with you, get spanked by you or especially kiss you. No matter how much you convince yourself that there is nothing wrong with it or you are only “helping them out,” the bottom line is that the majority of the time you are preying on and exploiting the poverty, addiction or imbalance of another human being. I despise you and hope one day someone will do the world a favor and flush all of you loser johns down the toilet so you can be where you belong; with the rest of the shit. Rot in hell you bottomfeeding slimebags.

    • P Ray
      August 11, 2016 at 3:30 am

      Your outburst over the Internets won’t change things in the real world.
      Here, have some burn:
      Feminist arguments against prostitution debunked

      I have been converted by the arguments of the antifeminists, that

      the feminist movement’s main goal is to reduce male choice in female partners, to force men to dedicate their lives to unattractive, high spending, ruinously expensive feminist sex partners.
      I add to this my hypothesis

      The balance of power between men and women tilted in favor of women because

      Men mostly stopped using physical & economical power,
      women maintained their superior social manipulation power and thus,
      world-wide, women are biasing laws totally in their favor in clear detriment of men
      In evolutionary times (EEA, environment of evolutionary adaptedness), males had superior physical strength, fighting skills, and economical power as meat providing hunters.

      Females, to defend their interest, had to use social skills, social manipulation, shaming, intrigue, cunningness trying to counter male physical superiority (anyone got research links on that?)

      Now males surrendered the advantages of physical strength, even of economic strength. Suddenly, in the last half century, in the male-female conflicts of interest, all the female agendas win in politics. Feminists hide their agenda behind absurd warped arguments, shaming, willful misuse of language,
      Feminists argue that prostitution is dangerous, unhealty, unpleasant, demeaning, not a free choice. These arguments that can be brought against menial jobs, professional boxing, military service. Personally, I think that spending one’s life fixing up people’s teeth, staring into smelly mouths all day long, is demeaning. And going to a war that one is opposed to, this is like a year long repeated rape.

  26. Alex
    November 3, 2016 at 8:19 pm

    As a woman who enjoys bdsm… it was alright until I read the last sentence. Things like this should always be 100% consensual. Not semi consensual. Nothing but an enthusiastic yes! I also didn’t appreciate the condescending tone of this article. If a woman wants to be spanked, she’ll tell you when she trusts you. No reason for anything semi consensual.

  27. blue
    January 11, 2017 at 1:19 am

    What is the point of spanking her?

  28. brotherturtle
    September 16, 2017 at 11:45 am

    I’m a man who enjoys BDSM, or rather, not to put too fine a point on it, I’m a lifelong spanking fetishist, and I second Alex’s comment above; spanking is great but it should always be unquestionably consensual, not something forced or manipulated. Hopefully you weren’t using the term correctly (“consensual non-consent” is fine if women want to play around with the idea of being forced) but genuinely non-consensual spanking (there is no “semi”) is sexual assault and nothing a gentleman would ever do.

  1. July 4, 2010 at 2:26 am
  2. June 26, 2011 at 4:15 pm
  3. August 2, 2011 at 4:52 pm
  4. February 1, 2013 at 6:08 pm

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