A Parody of Meaningless Wars

While I believe that some problems require a good old-fashioned bloodbath (aka war) to solve them, most do not. However, we live in a society and world with endless wars on verbs, adjectives and nouns. While a significant quantity of resources and manpower is spent fighting such wars, the results are often “unexpected” and not encouraging. However the powers-to-be often keep on fighting these wars with scant evidence of successes and much self-inflicted misery, failure and deprivation.

We have had or have wars on drugs, poverty, obesity, terrorism, homelessness, rudeness.. you get the point.

Here is my attempt to parody the process and mentalities behind such meaningless wars. As some of you know I STRONGLY prefer women who have completely bald pussies. So I thought of a parody based on that pubic hairstyle choice.

War on Bald Pussy

Step 1: A ego-maniacal guy or girl who detests bald pussies for some shameful reason.

It is necessary that the initiators of the war be very religious even if the religion is secular, as opposed to traditional. The reason why they hate bald pussies is not important. Maybe the guy hates it because it reminds him that he is a closet gay fucking a woman instead of mans hairy asshole. The woman might hate it because she believes the women are shaving or waxing their pussies because of patriarchal oppression. Really.. it does not matter.

Step 2: The bald pussy hater gets into a prominent government or socially respectable position.

This part is easy as many fucked up zealots have strong sociopathic tendencies, allowing them to climb up in an organisation- irrespective of their real competence. They then set up a personal moral crusade against bald pussy, and all the “degeneracy it brings”.

Step 3: Gain public support through CONjobs.

Use a small real problem (say teen promiscuity) or a fake moral panic (teen girls are sending shots of their bald pussies to guys) to generate public outcries.. mostly from fellow control freaks.

Use the media and fake reports to generate a false sense of urgency. Appear on ‘reputable’ national media to explain why bald pussies are a grave moral problem that threatens the nation.

Step 4: Get fake research supporting a crackdown from ivy-league cocksuckers.

This part is very easy. A bunch of vain, unimaginative, delusional and authority worshiping cocksuckers can me made to provide real sounding fake research that supports anything. As long as the money, patronage and fame is flowing,- they will make up studies, data and research to say.. encourage people to cook and eat their kids to slow down aging.

Link bald pussy to sexual promiscuity.. puritans and cuntrol freaks like that.

Step 5: Cloak your intentions in national and racial pride. Don’t forget to appeal to security and status quo.

For example- “Bald pussy is evil because it is a Brazilian idea, and you know that those mixed-race people are stupid sex maniacs”. Never mind that the practice of going bald down there has been around in the west since at least the greeks and romans. Or mention that keeping a bald pussy is common in latin american countries (never mind the facts) and that imitating this aspect of their culture (screw the facts) would make us a third world country.

Another linkage “People in the middle-east make the women remove all pubic hair, so supporting it is treasonous and un-american and exploitative of women” An alternative “Only people of that savage religion make women remove pubic hair, and they worship the devil instead of christians, who worship the one true god”.

Step 6: Get more academic support.

Deny grants to those who refuse your crusade against bald pussies. Make sure that people in every field from economics and philosophy to medicine and basic science provide some more material to support your crusade. Destroy the careers of those who oppose you.

Create studies that having a bald pussy is linked to lower IQ. Now you will have a new bunch of supporters, whose only achievement in life was getting a high score on a rigged test. They will ensure that the topic will be discussed and analysed ad nauseam on HBD forums and blogs.

Step 7: The law-and-order scam

Pass laws against having a bald pussy. Define how bald a pussy has to be to initiate prosecution. Create law enforcement jobs to enforce them, and thus start a self-sustaining cycle of idiocy.

Have people check for bald pussies. Tell them that their refusal to comply is evidence of the guilt and supports for the bad guys. Stop the legal production of hair removal products and create systems to dispense hair removal products for other purposes. This will inevitable create a black market- which is a gold mine for law enforcement (never mind how many innocent lives it ends up destroying).

Prosecute professional pubic hair removers, raid and kill innocent and often mistaken people.. and appear on the media as saviors of the country from the scourge of bald pussies.

Step 8: Create a legal double standard.

Since many richer women might still want to have bald pussies, create a series of legal work-around so that such violation is either ignored or lightly punished (maybe with a spanking instead of a jail term and criminal record). This should also stimulate the economy by creating a demand for pubic wigs.

Step 9: Crackdown on bald pussy paraphernalia.

Since having a bald pussy is an impetus to wearing thongs and g-strings, crack down on the production and sale of those scandalous panties. “If you have nothing to hide- you should not be afraid”. Link those undergarments to sexual promiscuity.

Popularize the notion that G-strings and thongs are gateways to having a bald pussy. Also make random panty and pussy checks a prerequisite for employment in many fields.

Step 10: Spread the righteousness of an unshorn pussy into neighboring countries.

Preferably those that are bases for smuggling material, people and paraphernalia for maintaining bald pussies. Don’t worry if your actions result in multiple civil wars, slaughters and military regimes- after all those people are non-white… right? Now you have a real endless war on bald pussies.

Don’t forget to create an agency and czar to keep the war on bald pussies alive. Also pass laws that give such agencies legal powers that would scandalized the NKVD in the Stalin era (at least they were honest about the true nature of their authority).

Step 11: Appear to do important things and spin abject failure as success.

Create reports, surround yourselves in flags during press conferences, show people pictures and video of your shock troops killing “criminals”. Always skirt questions about why the war on bald pussies has failed to have any significant effect of the incidence of bald pussies.

Keep on doing this till you run out of money and public faith in the system. Never mind that you have trashed many societies, killed/ imprisoned millions and ultimately destroyed popular faith in the system.


  1. Nestorius
    July 30, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    A clear summary of the fiat butthex matrix.

  2. Booby Joe Fontenot
    July 31, 2010 at 8:56 am

    Hilarious and disturbing analogy. Thanks.

  3. AA
    August 1, 2010 at 3:38 am

    This is such a shitty blog

  4. April 2, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    I just had to read this again. This is how the law-and-order scam/matrix works. Replace “bald pussy” with other useless, pathetic R/L “wars” and — shit, man. This is true knowledge and rational thinking. People are so goddamned useless.

  5. hoipolloi
    April 2, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    “People in the middle-east make the women remove all pubic hair…” I heard this is true. At least one aspect of the Muslim culture is ahead of the West. Though I am not big on Brazilian waxes, shaving between the legs is a hygienic practice both for men and women.

    Another point for war mongers: How bald-pussy lovers are closet pedophiles,since it invokes preteen girl’s nether region.

  1. July 31, 2010 at 8:03 pm
  2. August 1, 2010 at 2:19 am

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