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Some Thought on “Scheduling” Intimacy in Relationships

One of the more common pieces of advice given to married, and unmarried, couples who are experiencing trouble in their relationshits is that they should “schedule” intimacy and reserve some “couple” time for themselves. Such actions are supposed to rekindle the “spark” in the relationship- whatever that is. Now, am I the only one who finds this advice bizarre and a sad reflection on the world we live in?

Do you schedule eating time to renew your relationship with food? Do you schedule sleeping time to renew your relationship with a good nights sleep? Do you schedule a visit to the ER to renew your relationship with the hospital? In all of the above mentioned examples, your actions are based on a response to a need- whether it is hunger, lack of sufficient sleep or prompt medical attention.

If you are scheduling something, it is almost guaranteed to be a chore.

Taking your garbage out on time, vacuuming your house regularly or doing laundry on a schedule is a chore not a need. We are talking about stuff that nobody really wants to do, or is strictly necessary at that moment, but performed for satisfying imaginary social expectations.

So why is the relationship between most couples far more similar to a chore than a need?

People throughout human history have formed couples for important reasons such as reasonably regular access to sex, sharing resources to raise kids, take care of each other through thick and thin etc. At least that is how it should be. But is it still like that? and if not, why not?

Why are relationships in developed countries so dysfunctional that couples have to schedule time to be nice to each other and masturbate into each other?

To understand how we reached this level, if you can call it that, it is necessary to explore the path that led us here. It begins with basing your society on ideals, rules and customs that are not quite human. To be more precise- monogamy (serial or non-serial) as we know it today, just does not fit in with human nature. While men and women can be interested in one person for most of the time, it is delusional to think that they will not want some action on the side. Almost every single society with formal legalized marriage either decries such behavior or accepts it only on an ‘underground’ level. In some ways, legal recognition of couple formation is first step towards making it shitty. However it is not a major contributor to the process.

The second part of road to relationshit hell step is due to the overall result of social busybodies try to make the relationships of others fit inside defined moulds. Trying to fit humans into preexisting moulds of anything is a bad idea. Whether it is education, clothes, jobs or entertainment, one (or even a few) sizes won’t fit all- nor is it even necessary to do so.

If you make something enjoyable into a routine without flexibility or accommodation, don’t be surprised if the participants lose interest and stop caring.

The third stretch of the road towards dystopic relationships is a combination of the effects of feminism and social atomization. While women have rarely married guys they were really attracted to in the past, they were usually discreet about it. Today, they don’t have to be discreet about how much they really hate the wimp they are married to because they can get away wit it- heck, it is actually quite profitable to do so. Plus every social institution stands behind then and eggs them on to screw over or abuse the wimp in their life- because as we all know “She could do much better”. Now combine that with social atomization and a multitude of sexual partners before “marriage” (or a ‘real’ LTR) and you have a person who has no real interest or impulse to be willingly “intimate” in a relationship longer than a few months.

Women often criticize prostitutes for not being ‘real’ substitutes for relationships with women. The reality is that ‘real’ women are shitty, expensive and troublesome substitutes for prostitutes. Wives and girlfriends routinely get way with attitudes and behavior that prostitutes would not dare attempt. But then again, I am the guy who prefers whores over ‘real’ women. Maybe scheduling a gynecological appointment.. I mean intimacy.. with you SO would rekindle the spark in your relationshit.

What do you think? Comments?

  1. webe
    May 19, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Well, there’s professionals, and then there’s amateurs.
    Even the etymology here completely covers the content.

  2. DieHard
    May 19, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    The current mould in society is still marriage even if some more people are not getting married. When I tell people (especially religious fanatics) that I am not going to get married they go crazy and tell me that I am wrong, so I tell them that they do not control what I do in my life so f**k off. Hugh H. wrote an editorial maybe in the May 2012 issue that I haven’t read yet.
    Pr*stitution should be decriminalized in the U.S., although it probably will not be but if it was after my death then it would be taxed like other countries. Unfortunately, a Pro still has to be scheduled often a day in advance, unless you got one on speed dial.

    • webe
      May 20, 2012 at 3:20 am

      A Pro still has to be scheduled.
      Good observation. Going to dinner is scheduled. Vacation is scheduled. Watching a good show or a game is scheduled. Face it, things don’t happen if you don’t schedule ‘m. If you see your girlfriend on the week-end, you haven’t scheduled sex, but you kind of have scheduled it. Knowing you’re going to be doing it ahead of time can easily double the fun.

  3. P Ray
    May 19, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    The idea of intimacy being scheduled is a clear indicator that the relationship is not based on love.
    If over 50% of divorces are initiated in over 70% of the time by the women,
    the idea that there is a schedule for intimacy indicates that those women are not in relationships with men they LOVE, they’re in relationships with men they TOLERATE (big difference).
    I would advise those men to bail on such relationships.

    • June 16, 2016 at 10:45 am

      Author Alan Roger Currie said recently that there’s no woman walking the face of the earth who marry men for sex, lust and passion. They ONLY marry men for emotional connectivity and to obtain a greater portion of a man’s resources.

      Likewise, YouTuber Thugtician made a video similar to this objective…

  4. May 19, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    “If you are scheduling something, it is almost guaranteed to be a chore. ”

    Great observation….

  5. May 21, 2012 at 6:23 am

    “If you are scheduling something, it is almost guaranteed to be a chore.”

    I have to call bullshit on this. Attending a Broadway show isn’t a chore; neither is a poker night with the guys. We schedule those. We schedule lots of things because they are important, not because they are chores.

    Married professionals have to schedule time to be together. Spontaneous sex is great, but scheduled sex isn’t awful.

    • Wilson
      May 21, 2012 at 10:17 am

      But this is someone you live with. True, if your time is so tight you are scheduling taking a crap it might not be the romantic relationship that is the problem, but the work relationship.

      Bingo! What is the point of working so hard that you cannot enjoy the fruits of your labor.

  6. hoipolloi
    May 27, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    Found it on the intertubes.

    Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

  7. January 26, 2014 at 10:45 am

    I couldn’t have read anything more realistic than this man’s blog.

  1. February 24, 2014 at 9:48 am

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