Home > Critical Thinking, Current Affairs, Dystopia, Escorts, Musings, Reason, Secular Religions, Skepticism, Technology > People and Relationships Don’t Improve with Age

People and Relationships Don’t Improve with Age

The effort that humans routinely put into deluding themselves has never ceased to amaze me. Consider the following as a cautionary example of what the human “mind” can come up with. You must have heard numerous people say something long the following lines..

Guy X used to chase many women when he was younger. But you cannot keep on chasing them as you age and sexual desire decreases blah.. blah.. hormones blah.. blah.. So he started settling down. blah.. blah.. Now he is kinda happy. blah.. blah..

While the above mentioned meta-story might seem reasonable it is anything but that. I could attack it on many levels, but I prefer to start by stabbing at the heart of this narrative. In case you did not realize, the meta-story is meant to CON listeners or readers into believing that.

1. Phenomena reflect the natural order or patterns of nature.

2. Behavioral patterns remain constant, regardless of changes in the external environment.

3. People change for the better, and become nicer human beings, as they age.

Do you see the rational deficiencies inherent in these beliefs? Let us dissect them, starting with belief # 1 aka the ‘natural patterns’ fallacy.

As I have said in many of my previous posts, nothing in the universe is natural or unnatural. If it is feasible, it will happen and the only question then is – how often (probability). Multi-cellular organisms recognizable to us have been around for barely 500 million years. So are the plants and animals around us ‘natural’? Saying that anything is reflective of any ‘order’ or ‘pattern’ in nature is the secular version of belief in a god aka religion. No overarching super-human entity or force drives human to form relationships, create functional societies or even exist. They happen because they can happen under a given set of conditions. Furthermore, these complex systems are dependent on external conditions- some of which are influenced by internal feedback.

Whether people form long-term relationships, act cooperatively in reasonably functional societies or even want to keep on living depends on a complex and changing matrix of options and possibilities. Let us not forget that those who are old today grew up in a world that was rather different from the one we now inhabit. Their formative years and life trajectories were influenced by a different set of options, resources and possibilities. What seems ‘natural’, and ‘inevitable’ to them is often neither.

I am not implying that we have conquered aging, death or the desire for human company. My suggestion is that the nature, context, experience and possibility matrix for all of the above has changed to such an extent that extrapolations based on an older world are unreliable. For example- we now have easily available drugs for impotence, inexpensive testosterone supplements, weight training, careers that do not prematurely wear down the body, relatively inexpensive and relatively safe prostitution (in most of the developed world), ubiquitous high-quality porn and person-to-person connectivity that transcends time zones and national boundaries. At the same time, we have a society that is increasingly impersonal, uncaring, adversarial and does not offer the type of benefits which were once considered necessary to get people to care about its continued existence.

We must also question the assumption that people “change for the better, and become nicer human beings, as they age”. How many people really become “better”,”nicer”,”more humane” or “less greedy” as they age? Doesn’t experience suggest that the converse is true? Older people are generally far more selfish, untruthful, greedy and delusional than their younger counterparts. Most older people have less of whatever ‘positive’ qualities they once had. This is especially true for women who desperately cling to anything that allows them to retain some relevance and attention. The majority of women become increasingly insufferable and demanding as they age. Yes, there are exceptions to what I just said, but they are just that- exceptions.

The question you have to ask yourself is-

Given what we know about the general direction of incentives, individual capabilities and options- Is it reasonable to expect that young men today will “settle down” in semi-dysfunctional relationships as they age- even if they wanted to do so. A related question is whether the young women of today will become “better human beings” as they age.

What do you think? Comments?

  1. flybynight
    May 27, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    A young person dreams of possiblities an old person knows the what the limitations and possiblities are..after being beat on for 30/40 years most old people are closed minded and are only nice for their own personal gain.

  2. May 27, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    Like Ari Gold says,

    “of course he’s not happy. Nobody in this town is happy except for the losers. Look at me, i’m miserable- that’s why i’m RICH.”

  3. May 27, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    hehe, Diablo-

    I’m lonely, I don’t think working more hours at a job I hate and paying for companionship as you do will make me more happy….

    I want to get a dog, then I will have someone to hang with when I go to the beach and drink beers….

  4. Webe
    May 30, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Agree. Experience is overrated. People do not only learn from experience, they also unlearn a lot. I still agree with what my kid-brother once wrote in a high school paper: the world could be better run by a few idealistic adolescents with some brains. Same goes for corporations, most executives could be well replaced by 3 above-average achieving high school kids. Only important thing about experience is to know when you don’t have enough, and that you have to reach out to others or other examples when you don’t have it.

    Still, I have met old people who did not deteriorate. Curious, playful and capable of child-like laughter even in old-age. They have found the way back to the eternal child, but remain seasoned, tested and balanced, come what may. They have usually paid their dues in unwavering searching and yearning.

    • P Ray
      May 30, 2012 at 7:45 pm

      Idealistic and “having some brains” are mutually exclusive.
      You become idealistic when you don’t know the scope of the problem.
      With amazing regularity, people with huge cases of NPD are “idealistic”.
      I put it in quotes because their “idealism” gets them to run relational aggression to badger others into seeing things their own way, and minimises the real objections that others have.

      • Webe
        May 31, 2012 at 12:44 am

        That’s true enough, and I well realize teen-agers are prone to fanatacism. I should have said “of good will” instead of “idealistic”, or “imbued with solid values and ideals”: there is always a difference between people who feel bound by certain principles and those who are entirely opportunistic: not everybody stoops to wife-beating.
        But that’s precisely the point. Well-behaved youngsters will get more done than cynical power-brokers, experienced in playing the heart strings of the masses and in fraud and sycophancy.

  5. June 2, 2012 at 12:19 pm
  6. That's "Ms. Fatass" To You, buddy
    August 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    I think if you really believed that you don’t want an intimate relationship with a woman, you wouldn’t feel the need to constantly devise wild conjectures desperately trying to justify the fact that you can’t get one…an intimate relationship with a woman, I mean.

    Methinks you doth protest a bit too much… whoreboards are full of trolls who spend all their time trashing ‘real’ relationships, but demand that all of their encounters with whores be full GFE with DFK, BBBJ, CIM, DATY, and a “genuine intimate connection”… just an observation…

  7. P Ray
    July 2, 2020 at 11:19 pm

    Good example: https://i.imgur.com/TTq9kRN.png

    After “healing” from a good relationship that ended and putting herself out there for online dating, “only one man from all that responded to her is good enough”.

    And then she wonders why all the men she meets … don’t want to commit.

    The answer is because … she is not interested in the men that DO want to commit.

    Remember, when women say there are no good guys out there. … it is an incomplete sentence.
    It’s actually there are no good guys out there that I am attracted to and can show off to my friends.

    Regular/ugly men need to realise that women don’t speak in complete sentences towards them.

    • P Ray
      July 2, 2020 at 11:23 pm

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