Archive for October 15, 2018

Halloween Could be Improved by Moving it to the Last Friday in October

October 15, 2018 4 comments

Being a bit bored today, I decided to look around in my list of drafts to see if there was anything topical which could be published with minimum effort. I came across one unusual but relevant concept written while clearly under the influence. Long story short, I am proposing that we move Halloween from the 31st of October (each year) to the last Friday of October. To be fair, I am not the first person to suggest that moving around the date of Halloween a bit would make it a more fun and memorable holiday. More than a few have, in the past, suggested that it should moved to last Saturday in October. But my idea is much better for reasons that are listed below.

1] Halloween, at least in North America, is a highly commercialized “holiday”. Yes.. I am aware that it began as an ancient pagan Celtic celebration which was later appropriated by Christianity. But Halloween in North America has, for decades, become one more occasion for business to sell more cheap candy, mass-produced decorations, kid costumes, booze and slutty costumes for girls who are too old to go trick-or-treating. I guess we can also add releases of supernatural and horror themed movies and special episodes of TV shows to this list. In other words, it is about making money by selling cheap food, plastic kitsch, booze, movie tickets and advertising.

Since the date of October 31st now has no significance to over 99% of the population, I do not foresee many objecting to a change in the date as long as it still close to the end of that month. As many of you know, Halloween does not even fall on a weekend most of the time. My clever plan would instantly convert a wandering commercial holiday which usually falls on weekdays to one that covers an entire long weekend. Now every single Halloween would be a three-day long affair with two weekend nights for serious partying, drinking and debauchery. Business could sell more booze, food to adults and whatever they are already selling to kids and their parents would not be affected. I see this as a win-win situation for everyone except Wiccans.

2] Currently, most younger adults get drunk/ high and wear costumes on only one day of the weekend before (or on Halloween). My proposal will instantly, and consistently, double available opportunities to get drunk and do stupid shit. It will also instantly doubles the excuses for chicks to dress like sluts and indulge in debauchery. That translates into double the opportunities to hook up with chicks who claim that they “do not do stuff like in that their normal life”. Nobody other than spoilsport feminists and other assorted pearl-clutchers would have a problem with more people getting laid. I say we just ignore those sad losers and keep having a good time.

I should also point out that the Sunday of this new long weekend would provide an adequate opportunity to recover from hangover and fatigue caused by two nights of drinking and general debauchery. Halloween is after all a pagan celebration.. you know. Now I do realize that in 2018, all this excess drinking and partying might increase the number of women claiming sexual assault or unwanted sexual advances. But that also is a good thing (at least under capitalism) because it creates more paid work for some lawyers and doctors not to mention all those administrative busybodies on university campuses and within corporations.

In summary, shifting the date of Halloween from October 31st to the last Friday of that month would create a lot of new commercial opportunities for businesses to sell even more crap to people. It should also significantly increase enjoyment of this holiday by most people (even if they don’t remember it that well) and might even help get some of them laid. The sequelae of this holiday will create new opportunities for some lawyers, doctors and administrative busybodies, thus providing a further boost to the national GDP.

What do you think? Comments?